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If you talk to them long enough, my bandmates might tell you I’ve had issues about being a control freak.  On tour, this has often manifested around issues such as audio technology (specifically our in-ear monitor system).  It’s been a strain over the years, and in the last few months, things have begun to change.

I suppose a lot of it has to do with Doris’s diagnosis last fall.  After the initial immediate threats to her health and safety appeared to subside, I started going through a personal transformation.  It felt like Rip Van Winkle – like I’d woken up and found myself living a life I didn’t remember wanting to live.  One issue that kept coming up was control.

Pinky

Our tour last month on the west coast was wonderful in so many ways – being able to play and sing with Doris (after fearing we might never again), bonding with our musical soulmates, Coyote Grace.  In many ways, it was my favorite tour ever, yet I spent half of it in what might be described as personal agony.  Our in-ear monitor system (which allows us to hear ourselves clearly onstage) is contained in a wheeled, 100+ lb road case that takes two strong people to lift.  We affectionately call the system “Pinky”.  Pinky is a custom job – no one manufactures a system that does everything we need, so five years ago, I put it together myself with various components.  I love that I was able to create something that hadn’t existed before, but the downside has been that I’m the only one who knows how it works.  When something goes wrong, I’m the one who has to fix it.

Last month on tour, Pinky started falling apart.  First there was a bad cable inside and we couldn’t hear the banjo.  Then a splitter died.  Then the hard drive we were using to record (and sell) some of the shows started going on the fritz.  Then, poignantly, one of Pinky’s four wheels broke off as we were wheeling her to the van.  Ty suggested that Pinky was mirroring my internal ambivalence about being solely in charge of it.  She was right –  the ambivalence was there.  As the tour progressed I tried to let go.  I did the bare minimum work to keep Pinky running so we could hear ourselves and record the remaining shows on the tour.  And I would still find myself sprawled out on stage with a soldering gun, swearing at God, Pinky, and my bandmates.

At the end of the tour, both JJ and our sound tech Ary came and asked me to show them how Pinky works, so that the work doesn’t always fall on me.  I’ve been in this band so long that it’s like a family – with love, but also with patterns of behavior that were once fine, but are now dysfunctional.  When we first started using in-ear monitors in 2006, neither JJ nor Ary were with us.  It felt fine for me to do that work then.  But something in me has changed – particularly since Doris’s diagnosis – and life isn’t letting me be a control freak about it without extreme discomfort.

So now, as we’re beginning a tour here in Colorado, I’m trying to be present and believe that I can change how I am on tour.  On the plane yesterday, Ty suggested that if I have too many stressful associations with the word “tour,” I could come up with a new name for it.  She suggested “Herbert.”

So here I am, once again with my best friends, excited to get back on Herbert.

Madeira-glazed country ham (pictured right, with my hand)

I just made this post to see if I can upload photos successfully to the new blog , but I figured I might as well explain what it was. It’s a country ham with a Madeira glaze. I didn’t make it for a big dinner, I just made it for myself. I was eating it for a couple months. Country hams are, of course, saltier than a normal ham (it’s cured in salt for many months, as opposed to being cured in brine for a short time). This one was smokey and very salty, best sliced thin on biscuits.

Hi everyone,

This is Ty writing from Atlanta, where we’ve spent the last 8 weeks on a roller coaster ride none of us expected. As most of you know, two days before Thanksgiving, Doris was diagnosed with a rare form of leukemia called CML. (For more information on her diagnosis, see the original news item about this)

This has been the most challenging time we as a band – and as a family – have ever faced, and it’s been an honor for us to include you, our extended family, in the process. The support we’ve received from all over the world has sustained us through these first two months. Your Facebook and email messages uplift us daily. You’ve sent medical advice, spiritual insight, reasons to hope, funny YouTube videos, and every word, every gesture has helped and moved us. Thank you so much.

Some of you have also sent financial donations, and we’re incredibly humbled to say that your generosity has carried Girlyman as a business through the last month. In our nearly ten years as a band we’ve never once canceled a tour, but in December we had no choice but to cancel our midwest tour to give Doris a chance to stabilize. Your contributions saved us during this time. If you’ve been planning to donate but haven’t had a chance, every little bit helps:

http://girlyman.com/donate

Thank you from the bottom of our hearts. Again, we’re humbled and grateful beyond words.

Updates on Doris

Doris is under the care of doctors at Emory University here in Atlanta, and so far she’s responding well to treatment. She was hospitalized in early December and received a short course of chemotherapy, a blood transfusion, and some medication to help her body process all the white blood cells she was shedding. After her discharge she began taking the oral medication which will hopefully put her leukemia into remission. We’ve had some bumps along the way but are all very optimistic about her progress.

Doris has been keeping an online journal with updates about her health and everything that she’s been going through. This is the best place to find out the latest about how she’s doing, physically and mentally. You can read and subscribe to her journal updates here. (Personally, they always make me laugh AND cry):

http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/dorismuramatsu

And, yes, it’s true. West Coast Tour!

Some of you have written with concerns that we’re rushing back into our touring schedule too quickly. You’ve assured us that most of all, you want Doris to get her rest! We do too. We’re planning tours in a different way now, and she’ll be doing less driving and will get blood counts taken along the way. But right now, what Doris and all of us want to do most is make music. We’re eager to lift all of our spirits and vibrations through our harmonies. Won’t you join us?

For a complete list of west coast shows, see: http://www.girlyman.com/tour

We’re also very excited that our friends Coyote Grace will be joining us for this whole tour. If you haven’t heard them yet, you’re in for a real treat. They’re soulful, smart, and sweet:http://www.coyotegrace.com